An Old Poem I wrote

Grandma

I long to be like you
Mujer Devina
A great granddaughter
of Aztecs
A daughter of Mestizos
Soy Chicana!
Skin the color
of refried beans
eyes the color
of the black olvies
that hide in Christmas tamales
I look at my hands
and wish they were yours
delicate, silky skin
stiring,mashing,chopping
watering,cleaning,scrubbing
I memorize the smells
fabric sofenter,manteca,Maja
I wish to love
just like you
unselfishly,undeniably,unconditionally
but i am me
americanized
desensitized
judgemental,controlling
I know not where
my allegience lies
instead
I live my life
smelling of
fast food,fast work,and a fast life